So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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