I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
