I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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