Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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