if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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