I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
