No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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