i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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