? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
