Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
