East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
