He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
