Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
