what day is it and did you see me today?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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