she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
