i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
