The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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