It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
