I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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