he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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