I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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