WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
