Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
