she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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