I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
