i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
