I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you win again, gameday.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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