yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
