I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
