so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The feeling are messing with the penis
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
