Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
