I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
