I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
