you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
