So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The power of my boobs compel you
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
