I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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