Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
