I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
