I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
