so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
