My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
