plz talk dirty to me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need water and some morals
Randomize
