the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
