All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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