There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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