just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
