I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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