I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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