did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
