There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
