dude i'm inner monologue high
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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