I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
