this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
