apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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