There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
