if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
