the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
