piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
