Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
