I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
