Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
