i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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