I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
