I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
