babies were throwing up all over the place
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
