Kiss
Puke
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
