How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
