this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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