Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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