well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
