last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
