I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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