Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
