your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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