Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Houston, we have a blender
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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