She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
