I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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