Your dad touched me again.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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