I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
