I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
