I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
