there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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