He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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