Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
