Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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