i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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