Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
