I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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