My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
