I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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